The First Time I Held You
by collegesoccer0507
Summary: Erin and Jay finally get to meet their baby.


Nothing could have prepared Jay for this moment. Sure, he and Erin had read just about every book they could get their hands on, attended every class, but knowing that it's your child on the verge of being born changes everything. Yet here he was waiting for his life to change forever, sitting behind her in the birthing tub; feeling every contraction, every push as she worked to bring their child in the world. As each contraction ended, she would lean back against him, letting out a slight moan at the feeling of his hands on her stomach and his arms wrapped around her as he kissed her cheek.

He reminisced about the night she told him. They had both come home exhausted after a difficult day in court and the office, Jay headed for the shower first while Erin prepared a small meal for them. While Jay was in the shower Erin retrieved the box, she had hidden on a shelf in her closet and placed it on the bed with the note she had written for Jay. When Jay emerged from the bathroom, he quickly dressed then noticed the box and note on his pillow. He moved to the pillow and picked up the note to see Erin's familiar scrawl on the envelope. He opened the envelope and read the note

"Jay, I love you more every day and I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I can't wait to continue our life together. Love always, Erin".

When he had finished reading the note, he picked up the box lifting the lid he saw a grainy black and white photo. It took him a moment to realize what he was holding and when he did, he ran smiling from the bedroom calling Erin's name until he found her in the kitchen leaning against the counter smiling. He ran to her speechless holding the photo he pointed between her belly and the photo and she nodded excitedly. He smiled wider while he hugged and kissed her sweetly and passionately. They spent the rest of the night cuddled with one another.

Her labor had gone rather quickly, (thankfully) mostly with Erin pacing for the past several hours, wanting anything except to be in that bed and he had been happy to oblige; walking every step with her and keeping her upright as contractions came harder and more frequent. He was determined to help her in whatever way he could so that they could meet their son or daughter all the sooner. At their request, their midwife Kate had excused everyone from the room when it came time for the delivery, leaving only the three of them for the birth.

"Jay..." Erin's moan brought him back to the present as she reached for his hands again.

Entwining his fingers with hers, he could feel her trembling under his touch.

"It's alright." he said softly. "I'm here."

"Can you see anything yet?" Erin managed to ask Kate, shifting again as all efforts to get comfortable were proving futile.

"It's right there." she replied but the words were lost in the contraction as Erin gave in to the urge to push. Somewhere she thought she could hear Jay telling her to keep going, or maybe that was Kate ... But at that point, she didn't care as she could feel something moving further down. Shifting her legs further apart, she bore down hard again, giving what felt like a balloon a hard shove.

"Come on baby…" she groaned, frustrated that for every step forward, she seemed to be taking two back.

"That's it Erin." Kate encouraged. "Keep going."

Feeling the contraction ebbing away, she let her body go limp in Jay's arms, rubbing the large mass of her stomach as she tried to take a few deep breaths. Faintly, she felt Jay kiss her cheek.

"Is it close?" she asked wearily; her eyes closed as she tried to enjoy the small break while she had it.

"It came down a lot more with that last one." Kate said with a smile. "It's got a head full of hair too."

"Let me see..." she said as she felt Kate place a small mirror into her hand. Placing it under the water, tears pricked at her eyes as she could just see the teardrop shape of a tiny dark head of hair becoming visible. And hearing Jay behind her, she knew he could see it too.

"Our baby..." she half-cried, half-laughed. "That's our baby."

"I know." he choked out as he kissed her again. "I'm so proud of you..."

Squirming in his arms, she took in a sharp breath. "Here comes another one..." she groaned, the moment over all too soon.

"Well go ahead and push."

She didn't need to be told twice. Knowing she was so close was keeping her going, the slightest of smiles crossing her face as more of the head would become visible. Both sets of eyes were transfixed on the mirror as with each contraction the teardrop grew, finally becoming a perfect round as muscles were stretched to the limit.

"Take it easy Erin." Kate said quickly. "The head's crowning. Breathe."

Despite every sense in her body telling her to end it quickly, she managed to pant through the rest of the contraction, her hands rubbing against her stomach as the current pain subsided.

"This...is rough..." she breathed after a moment

Kate couldn't help but hold back a chuckle. "Well, no one said childbirth was a walk in the park."

Erin chuckled, only to have it change into a grimace as the next contraction started.

"I've gotta push..." she growled.

"That's fine. Go ahead. Give me an easy push."

Afraid to go too hard, she gave a half-hearted shove and let out a gasp as the rest of the head emerged.

"Thank god that's over..." she mumbled, grateful for the sudden release of pressure.

"You're doing great." Kate encouraged. "We're just waiting on the baby to turn for the shoulders and the rest should go fairly easy."

"Mmmhmm..." she managed to let out, her eyes closed as she tried to rest between contractions.

"Do you want to feel the head?"

The question had caught her off guard as she opened her eyes; she had thought about it but had never considered the possibility that she'd actually be able to.

"Can I?"

"It's your baby." Kate grinned. "Of course, you can."

Letting Kate guide her hand down to the source of the pressure, her eyes were wide at the feeling of something solid under her palm, covered by the slightest layer of hair.

"Oh god..." she breathed. The tears that had nearly faded away came back with a vengeance as her hand cupped the tiny head, the feeling of its tiny features under her touch. She had waited for this moment ever since she found out the test was positive, now she almost regretted that it was about to be over.

"Sorry about being so emotional..." she mumbled as Jay wiped the tears from her face.

"Don't be." he said softly. "It's our baby; you have every right to be."

Feeling the next surge of pain, she quickly grasped for his hand, taking a deep breath as she pushed again. After only a few moments though, she let out the breath, completely exhausted from the exertion.

"So... tired..." she panted, too worn out to go any more.

"Come on Er" she could hear Jay's voice in her ear. "You're almost there. Just a little bit more and it's all over."

Somehow that seemed to be what she needed to hear. Teeth grit, she managed to give another hard push as she felt it shift.

"Shoulder's out." she could hear Kate saying. "Reach down for your baby Erin..."

Nodding, her hands wrapped around the tiny body, letting out a shout as she felt it slide free into her hands and the sudden weight on her chest as laid the newborn on her skin.

And then it let out a cry as it took its first breath.

And in that moment, everything changed.

"Congratulations guys." Kate smiled. "You've got a little girl."

"A girl?" Erin repeated; all memory of the pain of labor gone as she stared through misty eyes at the squirming newborn in her hands. Smaller than she thought she'd be, but she was here; tiny, pink, healthy and perfect. "Can you believe it?" she beamed up at Jay. "We actually have a little girl."

"I know. She...she's perfect..." Jay breathed as he reached out a hand to touch her; both smiling as she grabbed a tight hold on his finger.

"She looks just like you." he smiled, grinning wider as she opened her eyes, revealing a set of bright blue gaze that matched his. She really was the best of both of them; with her mother's looks and her father's bright blue eyes she already knew she was going to be a heart breaker.

Feeling Jay running his fingers through her hair, she reached up and kissed him very tenderly, enjoying the feeling of his lips pressed against hers as he held her tighter.

A few hours later, after Erin and the infant had been cleaned up and given a clean bill of health, the three of them lay in Erin's hospital bed. With Erin in one arm and their daughter asleep in the other, he couldn't picture anything being much better than this. A knock sounded at the door, causing them both to look up as Kate stuck her head in the room. "Hey, you have some visitors here to see you."

Realizing who it likely was, Jay smiled. "Go ahead and let them in Kate."

"Don't stay too long. They need their rest." Kate said to the group as they quietly filed in with the promise that they'd keep the visit short. Seeing the tiny newborn in Erin arms, the room was filled with excited whispers as each moved closer to get a better look.

"She looks so much like Erin." Kim said with a smile.

"Yeah, but I can still see lot of Jay in her, especially with her eyes. They're just like his." Erin smiled. Glancing over at Adam and seeing how he kept inching closer made Erin laugh out loud. "Adam, if you want to hold her, why don't you just ask?"

His eyes seemed to light up at the suggestion. "May I?" he asked excitedly.

"Of course." she smiled as she gently placed the baby in his arms, making sure to support her head.

"Hi little one." he cooed at the tiny infant as he rocked her in his arms.

"So, what did you decide to name her?" Hank asked.

"Well, we wanted to choose a name with meaning to both of us and our families" Erin explained

"So, what did you pick?" Kim asked.

Looking down at her daughter, she smiled. "Everybody, this is Madelyn Grace Halstead."


End file.
